still available.

Wow, what a week.

The funny part is, I'm sitting in the same chair I was when I typed up my last blog post, and it's not anywhere near my own home.

I'm up in town at my brother's house, curled in a plush recliner, clad in my rose-strewn pajamas as the sun drifts shyly through the windows with a rare, fine February morning light.

And it was a really, really crazy week.

This whole month has been kind of a stinker, throwing curveballs in hard, quick succession and not really waiting to see if I'm catching them all.

Nevermind all that - suffice to say, I was up visiting my bro last weekend and we had a great time. It was such a wonderful break from all the drama and stress of the last few weeks.  The Friday night contra dance, Jelly Bellys, cookie baking, jambalaya tacos, exquisite salads, How to Steal a Million... we had a real cool time.  I made it back home Monday night, spent Tuesday regrouping, organizing, and cleaning back in the bus for the week ahead, then got a phone call Wednesday morning that one of our friends was in critical condition and had been taken to the hospital.  I went up to stay with their children, who were incredibly sweet and brave, and we had a great time together... but needless to say, it was far from a relaxing and happy few days.  God was and is so good, and I'm thankful to say that their mother was brought home safely last night.  

Late in the evening I found myself on my way to my bro's house once more, where I promptly crashed on the sofa in a blissful pile of pillows.  

On his desk, Aubrey's super computer winked and flashed green and blue lights into the darkness from the myriad gleaming boxes piled there.

My Valentine's Day was just like any other ordinary day - in a way (heh!).  If I had a second to spare, I might've been thinking despairing thoughts about the total absence of hearts or chocolate or Sir Percy in any disguise whatsoever.  Because those things (last listed coming first... hehe) are what every girl needs on February 14th, right?  All of us ladies who are still painfully 'available' on this day of days know the feeling.

I stared into the dark living room and those winking lights... exhausted, but feeling an exultant joy rising inside of me.

I realized why I didn't feel painfully available at all.  Why I was completely happy and contented just where I was.

I wanted to be available.  Right where I needed to be for God to use me.  Available, yet also very much belonging to somebody... my best friend, Jesus Christ.  

It felt so sweet, so free, to know that I was His.  To know that He was directing every step I took, using my availability for His glory, and to feel the matchless peace of His promise:

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

I wouldn't have it any other way.

All those things will be added in perfect time. Meanwhile, exultantly, I will wait.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

I'm sorry this is such a jumbled and rather stage-drama-laden post.  I just wanted to get those thoughts written down, quickly, before the next curveball comes in to land.  :smile:  But don't get me wrong - I'm terribly excited for the next few weeks!  Who knows what will actually happen, but I'm looking forward to some amazing things here.

Tomorrow, besides being my twenty first birthday, is the start of the Literary Heroine Blog Party. And if you've been around this time last year, you know all the wonderful, romantic, heroic, exciting jollity that shall ensue forthwith.  

If you're new this year, all I can say is wait till tomorrow.  It's going to be fantastic.