I had a horrible day yesterday. It was a complete waste - at least that's what it looked like at sunset after being on my feet since eight in the morning. I was shooting the Winter clothing collection (which, by the way, is beautiful, if I say so myself! Not to mention warm...).
Catch: there's really nothing but mud around here at the moment, as the snow's melted and we've been drizzling ever since.
I had a bright idea that turned out bad... it included a gray tarp backdrop, an overcast day, and the crop tool in my graphics program. None of which turned out like I hoped, and at the end of the day, I realized that nearly 200 photos were pretty much trash. Also several deadlines and my entire day.
Mud. Frustration. Cabin Fever. Health issues and family issues. A thousand other things accumulated. All in one lovely bundle of a pity party.
I got my journal out last night for the first time in months and stared at the pages, blank, that I wished were filled. And as my pen moved, faster and faster, it hit me with almost laughable irony that those pages were finally making my idle wish realized. Fill that page. Fill the next. Record, muse, cogitate.
And almost in spite of myself, I finally broke through the wall of confusion and despair I was suffocating against.
"So I lost a day. Is that the worst thing that could happen to me? What could I most easily spare but a day? And it wasn't a loss. Not unless I call it that. It was an investment, a challenge, a reality check.
We all mess up. It's days like this that make us decide weather or not we really have what it takes to live our dreams. Because it is a decision. It lies within each of us to make the choice, to get back up, to keep on walking.
You may still be scared and uncertain - you may still not know what lies before you or which path to take. But you can choose to let go of the fear. Give it to Someone who knows how to carry it.
Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.
Today I went on a walk with Algy, like I always do when I can't hear myself think anymore. The mud was so ugly, the drab world was so bare!
So I put on my macro lens and went in really, really close. It was much more beautiful there.
Even the mud was beautiful. It was beautiful yesterday, just waiting for me to see it.
Look deeply. The beauty, the purpose, the hope is there, all the time.
P.S. Trash happens. It's okay.
And sometimes trash might even make you smile.
At least I hope so.