Sunday, November 18, 2012

Deeply.

I had a horrible day yesterday.  It was a complete waste - at least that's what it looked like at sunset after being on my feet since eight in the morning.  I was shooting the Winter clothing collection (which, by the way, is beautiful, if I say so myself!  Not to mention warm...).  
Catch:  there's really nothing but mud around here at the moment, as the snow's melted and we've been drizzling ever since.  
I had a bright idea that turned out bad... it included a gray tarp backdrop, an overcast day, and the crop tool in my graphics program.  None of which turned out like I hoped, and at the end of the day, I realized that nearly 200 photos were pretty much trash.  Also several deadlines and my entire day.  
Mud.  Frustration.  Cabin Fever.  Health issues and family issues.  A thousand other things accumulated.  All in one lovely bundle of a pity party.

I got my journal out last night for the first time in months and stared at the pages, blank, that I wished were filled.  And as my pen moved, faster and faster, it hit me with almost laughable irony that those pages were finally making my idle wish realized.  Fill that page.  Fill the next.  Record, muse, cogitate.

And almost in spite of myself, I finally broke through the wall of confusion and despair I was suffocating against.

"So I lost a day.  Is that the worst thing that could happen to me?  What could I most easily spare but a day?  And it wasn't a loss.  Not unless I call it that.  It was an investment, a challenge, a reality check.
We all mess up.  It's days like this that make us decide weather or not we really have what it takes to live our dreams.  Because it is a decision.  It lies within each of us to make the choice, to get back up, to keep on walking.

You may still be scared and uncertain - you may still not know what lies before you or which path to take.  But you can choose to let go of the fear.  Give it to Someone who knows how to carry it.
Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.
Promise?  Promise."

Today I went on a walk with Algy, like I always do when I can't hear myself think anymore.  The mud was so ugly, the drab world was so bare!

So I put on my macro lens and went in really, really close.  It was much more beautiful there.
Even the mud was beautiful.  It was beautiful yesterday, just waiting for me to see it.

Look deeply.  The beauty, the purpose, the hope is there, all the time.  
Fancy that.
 
P.S.  Trash happens.  It's okay.

And sometimes trash might even make you smile.
At least I hope so.

10 comments:

  1. Sometimes it is more important to know what won't work than what will work. Learning takes time but when we bring together new efforts with what is seemingly "trash", we have the best . Knowledge. Knowledge is what allows us to build upon the past and climb higher to the future. And what artist never had a day when all the writing went into the trash; all the painting was painted completely over; all the knitting was wadded up and thrown in the back closet out of frustration. Who is immune to such learning? Nobody I have ever read about or known, including myself. But I just bet you that in a week or so, when you rethink your "trash", you will find the knowledge for the future that will surely bring a fabulous " ah, ha moment". I love that last photo of you! Just so fun and you look terrific!

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  2. Kelly,
    I have those days too-so don't feel bad! I am also starting new and afresh. The world around us is always beautiful--maybe not in the way we want it to be, but there is beauty in it somehow.

    Wishing you a sunny, joyful, happy day tomorrow!!! ;-)
    ~Miriam

    P.S. Lovely outfit, m'dear! I am especially fond of the green and plaid. :-)

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  3. All the pictures are beautiful but I especially LOVE LOVE LOVE your dress!!! Where did you get it? Or did you sew it?

    -Iris♥

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  4. "The world is charged with the grandeur of God.
    It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;
    It gathers to a greatness, like ooze of oil
    Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
    Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;
    And all is seared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;
    And wears man's smudge and shares man's smell: the soil
    Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.

    And for all this, nature is never spent;
    There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;
    And though the last lights off the black West went
    Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs-
    Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
    World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings."

    - God's Grandeur, Gerard Manley Hopkins, just in case you did not know...

    There are days like that, and then something - Someone - breaks through and everything is fresh and beautiful again.

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  5. Kellie,
    Beautiful post. I'm sitting here with my mandolin reading your new post and I love how you articulated your thoughts. It was one of those epic moments that felt like there should be amazing music playing all around me...just because I read your beautiful words.

    OK...if THAT dress is in your new winter collection I WANT ONE RIGHT THIS SECOND!!!
    How much do you sell them for?
    on second thought I'm going to go look at your Etsy shop and see if I can find out.
    blessings!
    Sarah J.

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  6. You mean, you have these days too? I thought I was the only one! hehe

    I'm really glade to see a post from another view, showing that life doesn't always go perfectly. Most blogs usually only show life being perfect and spotless.

    Those kind of days are usually the only time I crack open my diary anymore. Nobody else could understand me though all the blubbering : )


    Completely unrelated, but you are such a good writer. Have you ever thought about sending in a story about living in a wall tent in Idaho to a magazine like Backwoods Home Magazine? I'm pretty sure they pay you for it (and any pictures), if they decide print it.

    Kimberly

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  7. First off, I love that dress you are wearing in the last picture! It is very lovely. I want one like it. The green and plaid are so warm and comfy looking. And is that a built in plaid waist band? It looks so classy! <3

    Secondly, I just had a day like that. I had planned on sewing a new shirt for myself, and when the day dawned, all seemed so perfect. But alas, one thing after another went askew, and it was a long vexing day that felt like such a waste. I sewed for many hours that day, and in the end I was left with a very ugly shirt that looked more like a hospital gown than a shirt. hehe!

    Anyhow, chin up! :) Did I tell you how much your blog encourages me to keep at it? And reading very real posts like this inspire me just as much as the picture perfect ones. :D Hope you have a lovely day!

    Much love,
    Molly

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  8. Thank you, Winnie. You are so right - and it's always good to be reminded that we're not unique in our trials :smile:

    Miriam - I had such a bright day today! And the funny thing is that it's been pouring cats and dogs since daylight. Thank you:)

    Iris - it's part of the new collection, coming to the shop as soon as I get some decent photos;D Thanks!

    Hana - I read that poem for the first time right there when your shared it. No words needed, just a soul brighter after knowing such words. Thank you.

    Love you back Tasha;)

    Sarah - I'm so glad you had your Mandolin in your lap:) I do that all the time - read blogs with my accordion or ukulele in my lap. That made me smile. Thank you so much. So glad you like the new dress! Coming to the shop soon...

    Kimberley - yep, we're not alone:) And that's a great thought - sending to some magazine - filing that away for someday.

    Molly - glad you like it! It's actually a skirt and top, 'cause I always like to be able to mix and match. It's a warm knit, almost sweatshirt material, and just as comfy! Take that, hoodies! ;D
    So sorry to hear about your flop day... I know we all have them. And I can completely relate to sitting down to a sewing project and ending with some horrid bag at the end of the day. The good news is - another day, a new perspective, and that project will turn out beautifully.

    I hope I've encouraged you all half as much as you've done for me with your wonderful words. Blessings to you all! <3
    --K

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  9. "No words needed, just a soul brighter after knowing such words."

    That's pretty much the way I feel about Hopkins' poems. :-) Definitely one of the greatest discoveries of my English studies!

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